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Living Together - Right or Wrong?
Chuck Northrop
In this time of “live in” boyfriends and girlfriends, it is no
wonder that many are confused about marriage. The world has long
tried to destroy marriage and justify itself in its evil deeds while
Christianity has uplifted marriage to the lofty plain that it
deserves. The world has cried that marriage will be defeated and
that it will not survive but like all things created and sanctioned
by God, marriage is here to stay and is a viable part of society.
Nevertheless, some have chosen to live contrary to God’s law
concerning marriage and have advocated that marriage is no longer
needed, being outdated. Or by some perverse rationale, they reason:
“You wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on. So, don’t
get married without first trying out your mate.” It is often the
case that those who cry such foolishness are the very ones who cry
that they do not want to be treated like animals or inanimate
objects. Yet, this is the very thing they are advocating. Dear
reader, we are not talking about a pair of shoes, we are talking
about humanity. Let us never be guilty of treating one we are
considering to marry as if they are a pair of shoes!
In 1983, Newsweek reported that only 16% of college students
considered it harmful “for a man and woman to live together before
marriage” while 61% said it would be “helpful.” With such views,
questions concerning “living together” must be answered.
FORNICATION
Fornication is a broad term and means illicit or unlawful sexual
intercourse. It would include such things as adultery (sex with
someone other than one’s spouse), homosexuality (sex between persons
of the same gender), bestiality (sex between a human and an animal),
promiscuity (sex with various partners), paedophilia (sex with a
child), and prostitution (sex for money or hire). Thus, fornication
is sexual activity outside of its proper place–marriage.
Within the proper context of marriage, sexual activity is sanctioned
by God. The Bible says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed
undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews
13:4). However, sexual activity outside of marriage is fornication.
Listen to what God says about fornication:
Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness,
covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit,
malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud,
boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without
understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection,
implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they
which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same,
but have pleasure in them that do them. —Romans 1:29-32
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of
God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.
—1 Corinthians 6:9
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery,
fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft,
hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the
which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that
they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
—Galatians 5:19-21
Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth;
fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence,
and covetousness, which is idolatry: For which things’ sake the
wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience. —Colossians
3:5-6
Please notice the association that fornication has with other sins.
However, the point is clear. Fornicators will not inherit eternal
life.
MARRIAGE
When God created man, He created him with certain appetites such as
the sexual urges. God, also, originated a way to fulfill those
desires. For the sexual desires, God instituted marriage—one man for
one woman until death. An examination of the topic of marriage in
the Bible reveals that there are four purposes which God ordained in
marriage:
COMPANIONSHIP: In the beginning, God decreed that it was “not good
that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Thus, God created an help
meet for him—a woman to be his companion. Someone to share his joys
and his sorrows.
BODILY SATISFACTION: Sex hunger is as natural and honorable as food
and drink hunger if it is kept in its proper place—marriage. The
Bible says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:
but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Paul
wrote, “to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and
let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). In
marriage, a man and a woman can be intimate and, yet, remain
spiritually and morally pure.
REPRODUCTION: Marriage is where the home begins for God blessed the
first union and said, “Be fruitful and multiply...” (Genesis
1:27-28). In this light, “children are an heritage of the Lord and
the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalm 127:3-5).
TRAINING OF CHILDREN: Since marriage is for reproduction, it is only
natural that marriage be used for the training of those that are
procreated. A home with a father and a mother is the best place to
raise children. Thus, Paul exhorts parents to “bring them up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). When raising
children with morals and values, we bless our children, ourselves,
and the world in which we and they live.
When Jesus spoke of marriage, He taught, “that He which made them at
the beginning made them male and female . . . For this cause shall a
man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they
twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one
flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put
asunder” (Matthew 19:4-6).
The “one flesh” in this passage and others have reference in part to
the sexual relationship of a husband and his wife. Sex is fully
commended in marriage and fully condemned outside of the marriage
relationship.
DOES IT WORK?
If living together or cohabitation is for the purpose of trying out
one’s mate, then a natural question would be, “Does it work?”
Psychology Today reported in 1988: “Yale University sociologist Neil
Bennett and colleagues found that cohabiting women were 80 percent
more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived
with their spouses before marriage.” In 1989, the National Survey of
Families and Households related: “Unions begun by cohabitation are
almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all
first marriages: 57 percent to 30 percent.”
The very purpose for living together declares its most basic
weakness. If its purpose is sexual, then it is opposed to God and
morality. If its purpose is a trial for marriage, then it lacks
commitment. This lack of commitment causes it to fail from its
onset.
Living together sets up a relationship for failure. There is no real
or clear commitment. It involves no legal or social
responsibilities. There is no public pronouncement nor pledge. It is
for the moment while marriage is “until death do us part.”
"Living Together, Right or Wrong?" by Chuck Northrop © 1995 ~
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Family Values
by Glen Young
It is generally accepted that as goes the family so goes a nation
and even civilization. Seventeen years ago, a survey reflected that
one out of every three American college students considered marriage
an obsolete institution. Is it any wonder that we have the problems
we face today as a society.
In this election year, we are hearing politicians speak often and
loudly about family values. I am convinced there is more needed to
heal our society than the political rhetoric of this election year.
There needs to be a focusing on the cure for the problem, which
happens to be a return to God's ways, especially as pertaining to
the home.
Many people are approaching the subject of restoring family values
by appealing to human wisdom. While it is true that human wisdom,
which comes from experience, can add to the discussion, human wisdom
alone cannot produce the solution to the problem. Only God provides
the blueprint for building a home complete with moral values. "As
for God, his way is perfect: The word of Jehovah is tried; He is a
shield unto all them that take refuge in him." 2 Sam 22:31.
We are told that, "The word of Jehovah is tried." His word is proven
to be true. It is refined. It has been tested by practice and proven
to work, no matter what the problem. Therefore, it behooves man to
heed the teaching of God, if he is to truly have a home containing
family values.
In our search for the answer to the chaos which besets so many
families today, we must search the Scriptures. In so doing, we find
that a family unit can only be strong if each member of that unit is
willing to abide in their God assigned place. We can liken this to
the chain of command in the military. Because the chain of command
is such a crucial part of the workings of the military, every
recruit has its philosophy emblazoned upon his mind by the time
basic training is finished.
The husband/father is to be the head/provider of the house. "But I
would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the
head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." 1 Cor
11:3. Headship (authority) is very important to the well being of
any group. Someone has to be in charge, someone must be held
responsible for the actions of the group and the husband/father is
that someone. There was a plaque placed upon the desk of President
Harry S. Truman which said, 'The buck stops here!' So it is with
those of us who are husbands/fathers. Kinda scary to think about,
huh, fellas?
The wife/mother is to be in subjection to her husband, a keeper at
home, a lover of her husband and a lover of her children, to mention
a few things. [Read Eph 5:22; Titus 2:3-5].
Children, likewise, have their place in the order of things. Eph
6:1-3, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with
promise), that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long
on the earth."
If homes are to contain family values, each member must let God tell
them what those values consist of, and then be willing to abide in
God's family values. ~
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