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When the Vow
Breaks by Wilson Adams
I am divorced. Like the alcoholic who finds the courage to stand at
his first A.A. meeting and admit what he would rather hide and deny,
well, that's me. It's not easy writing those words or even admitting
them to myself.
You may wonder why it is that big of a deal. After all, many
marriages end in divorce and it is a common thing for people to talk
in flippant tones about an ex-husband or wife as if they were
speaking about a once-loved vehicle they have traded in on a newer
model. I hate that. My view of marriage is one of permanency—one man
and one woman "until death do you part" (Romans 7:2-3). I learned,
however, a valuable lesson along the road of life—you cannot make
some-one else remain committed nor can you make him / her do what is
right. You can, however, control yourself.
It has been a long and difficult struggle. Divorce always is. It has
been described as the "gift that keeps on giving" and anyone on the
receiving end of a judge's gavel knows exactly what that means. It
never just "goes away."
I will tell you that as a gospel preacher there have been days when
I wished I wasn't. There have been days when I have felt the extra
burden that accompanies the glass house in which most of us who fill
pulpits are forced to live. And there were days when, even though I
knew my innocence, I wondered if others would have confidence in my
work. It was an added burden and certainly not an imaginary one.
Seventeen years after the fact, it is still hard to admit. There
comes with that word a sense of failure and, although God does not
hold one accountable for the sins of another, sometimes people
aren't as merciful. But I can't do anything about that. And neither
can you.
Finding Faith
I write these difficult words in the hope that they will help
another. Divorce is, in fact, life's greatest tragedy. It has been
said that death is easier than divorce and in some ways it is. By no
means does that minimize the grief that accompanies death nor do we
do anyone any favors by comparing tragedies. But in death, as
horrible as it can be, there is some semblance of closure. In
divorce, the innocent ones live daily in the wake of someone's sin,
and closure is seldom found.
Debbie Lanphear of Bowling Green, Kentucky got it right when she
wrote, "Divorce is like a Civil War triage where you feel a limb had
been amputated without anesthesia." Some of you know what she means.
Children of divorce struggle with emotional baggage beyond words —
words they can neither express or understand. In death they will
eventually comprehend that mom or dad did not have a choice; in
divorce, they will always struggle because mom or dad did have a
choice.
It is essential in all of this, however, that you rely upon your
faith. If your faith counts for anything, it now must count for
everything. The answer is not in denial (I am concerned about those
people the most). The answer is not in busyness — which only masks
the real problem. The bottom-Iine answer lies in an inseparable link
to the Living Lord.
Relying upon your faith is not only essential for you but for your
children. Little eyes will be watching. It is important that you do
more than teach them about faith — you must show them faith in daily
action. This is critical because you are making deposits into their
memory bank from which they will draw in later years. One day they
will go through the hardest of times and one thing that will enable
them to survive is the memory of a parent who faced the whirling
clouds of upheaval with tremendous faith in the power of God.
Yes, our God can do more than we ever ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).
He will enable you to find the faith to endure. The trauma of
divorce will make you either bitter or better — and it is your
willingness to entrust such a heavy burden into Heaven's hands that
will enable you not only to survive but also to become better as a
result.
Moving Ahead
It is important at some point that you move ahead—although some
people never do. Stuck in a time warp, they relive the tragic events
over and over. Just as it is not healthy to bypass the natural
grieving process, it is equally unhealthy to continue to grieve. As
David "arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed
his clothes ... and came into the house of the Lord and worshiped
...." after grieving over his son (II Samuel 12:20) and ... as Ezra
encouraged his people to move on from grief and turn tears into joy
(Nehemiah 8:11), it is essential that we do the same.
Do you need help to move on? Seek it. For some reason Christians
fear turning to others. Doesn't Proverbs speak of the need to
"acquire wisdom?" One source of wisdom is found in the advice of
qualified people who can instruct with objectivity regarding human
behavior. Too often when faced with the emotional trauma of divorce,
people turn for support only to those who are emotionally involved —
family and friends. That is a mistake. While you need the support of
those people on one level, they may not be the ones who will help
you move ahead. Family and friends tend to fuel pity and you don't
need that. Find someone who can be objective — who will tell you
what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Or seek
advice from a qualified professional who comes recommended by
someone you trust.
A word of clarification: nothing written here is intended to provide
safe haven for the guilty. I write with no intent to say, "All is
well, all is well" (Jeremiah 8:11) when it is not. God's word is
clear when it comes to the consequences of marital infidelity
(Matthew 5:32). Just as natural law comes with attached
consequences, so does God's law for human behavior. If you are
living in an adulterous relationship, you, too, can move ahead but
only after you take the necessary steps to walk away from sin. As
hard as that may be, it is the only way you will find the freedom of
conscience that will enable you to capture the essence of life — a
hand-in-hand walk with God.
Neither the passing of years nor public approval will make wrongs
turn into rights. It may mean that you have to live alone without
the joy of earthly marital companionship, but in so doing you will
know an inner peace like never before. And you won't be the first to
so live. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No. Jesus said, "If your right hand
makes you stumble, cut it off ... for it is better for you that one
of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go
into hell" (Matthew 5:30). If you need to sever a relationship that
is standing between you and eternal life—find the courage to do it.
Life is too short to live in the backwash of a guilty conscience and
eternity is too long not to be in the presence of God and His
people.
Regaining Hope
For the innocent, however, there are times in the midst of a storm
when it is not "Lord, help me through this day ..." but "Lord, help
me through this minute!" The strength of God, the support of family,
and the encouragement of Christians will lift you up.
Two verses gave me hope: "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord
is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10b), and "We know that God causes all
things to work together for good to those who love God" (Romans
8:28). Just knowing that God had not forsaken me gave me the blessed
assurance to keep going.
I couldn't bring myself to preach or write about home and family,
relationships and marriage for years. But I do now. I have been
blessed with opportunities to speak about the sanctity of marriage
and the tragedy of divorce and, even though it remains painful to
discuss, I am willing to do it because of the help it brings to
others. When God says, "I hate divorce!" (Malachi 2:16), I think I
understand. If couples only knew the heartache of what seems like a
quick and simple solution to hurting homes, they would rethink their
decision.
"God cannot use you greatly until He has broken you completely."
It's true. It made Haggai a better preacher. It gave Peter the
credibility to write a letter of hope — because his words came from
one who had lost his hope only to find it again. No one helps
another more than someone who has "been there." Maybe you are there.
Whatever you do, do not cave in to pity. By the grace of God, rise
up! Who knows, there may be others who could benefit from your
experience and encouragement. ~ |
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Lord's Supper Fallacies
By
David King
“Therefore when you come together in
one place, it is not to eat the Lord’s Supper. For in eating, each
one takes his own supper ahead of others; and one is hungry and
another is drunk. What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in?
Or do you despise the church of God and shame those who have
nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you in this? I do
not praise you” (1 Cor. 11:20-22).
Paul’s rebuke in this passage is directed to a local congregation
that had somehow developed a misconception about the purpose of the
Lord’s Supper. An observance that should have been a solemn memorial
to their Savior’s death and resurrection had been turned into a
common banquet. Paul corrected their behavior by reminding them of
the purpose of the Supper, as instituted by the Lord Himself (v.
23-26).
In the two thousand years since then, other fallacies concerning the
Lord’s Supper have arisen. Even among our own brethren, there are
some curious ideas about the Supper and its role in our worship.
The most fanciful fallacy is the idea that the elements in the
Supper somehow are transformed into the actual flesh and blood of
Christ. The Catholic Church calls this “transubstantiation.”
This concept is based on Jesus’ words, “This is My body . . . this
is My blood” (Matt. 26:26,28). But these are figures of speech in
which the elements represent deeper truths. Jesus also called the
fruit of the vine His new covenant (Lk. 22:20). Is that literal,
too? These elements are merely metaphors designed to help us think
about Jesus’ sacrifice.
Another fallacy commonly associated with the Supper is the idea that
participation in this ritual has some kind of spiritually
therapeutic value; that is, by partaking of the elements, a sinner
receives absolution from his sins, or some higher degree of
holiness. But there is nothing in the Scriptures that suggests such
a benefit. Like any other act of worship, if we partake as we
should, with our minds focused on the Savior’s sacrifice, it can be
an occasion of spiritual renewal (1 Cor. 11:28); if not, it becomes
an empty ritual that condemns us (v. 29). But that’s no different
from other acts of worship that we perform without our whole heart.
There is nothing about the Supper that
imparts any special dispensation of grace.
A third fallacy is the idea that the Supper is the most important
part of our worship. You see this idea in action when brethren make
a special effort to be present for the Supper, then leave for some
personal matter. Or when brethren who are sick or otherwise confined
at home request that the Supper be taken to them (rarely is this
accompanied by a request
for a home-delivery sermon or song service).
Or when brethren take the Supper elements with them on opening
weekend of hunting season, so they can “observe the Supper” — while
skipping everything else. All these behaviors elevate the Lord’s
Supper to some super-holy status that is not warranted by the
revealed facts. It is an important part of our worship, but no more
so than any other act of worship.
The Lord’s Supper is no more complex than a simple “Do this in
remembrance of Me.” ~
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